You’re not selfish, you’re self-advocating
This week, we’re resurfacing a past podcast conversation between Gerta and Brendan Aronson of TheMilVet (YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts). While the...
Hi there,
This week, we’re resurfacing a past podcast conversation between Gerta and Brendan Aronson of TheMilVet (YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts). While the episode focused on supporting military members transitioning into civilian careers, the insights are just as relevant for people from other backgrounds.
A major theme we explored was mindset, especially how difficult it can be to advocate for yourself when you come from a culture built on putting others first.
For those who may not know, prior to his tech and entrepreneurial career, Alex served on active duty as an Air Force officer.
As a military family, we were immersed for many years in a life and culture shaped by the idea of service before self. That mindset fosters a deep sense of duty, mission, and teamwork, and of course serves an important purpose considering the responsibility service members take on for the rest of us.
But it can also make it harder to negotiate for yourself because it may feel like you're going against your values.
We’ve advised many veterans transitioning to the civilian workforce, and it often took serious effort to get them to fully express their impressive accomplishments and experience in their resumes, cover letters, and interviews.
We’ve seen this not just with veterans, but also with clients who work in nonprofits, healthcare, education, mission-driven startups, or any team-oriented environment. If you are someone who always prioritizes the mission or your colleagues, speaking up for yourself can feel uncomfortable or even selfish.
Unfortunately, this often results in leaving money on the table and missing opportunities to claim what’s within reach.
How to self-advocate without compromise
Here is one mindset shift that helps: you’re not negotiating against your values, you’re negotiating in service of them.
Asking for more is often how you support the people who rely on you—your partner, your kids, or even the organizations you donate to. It’s what allows you to keep showing up without burning out or becoming resentful.
Here are three takeaways to keep in mind:
✅ Negotiation does not have to be selfish.
Framing it as a way to support others can make it feel more aligned with your values.
✅ Self-advocacy builds sustainability.
When you ask for what you need, you make it possible to keep contributing at a high level without burning out.
✅ Purpose and compensation can coexist.
You do not have to choose between doing meaningful work and being fairly paid for it.
If you have ever hesitated to negotiate because you care deeply about your work or your values, remember this: you can be selfless and still speak up for yourself.
✅ You’re finding a better deal for both sides.
And most importantly, negotiating doesn’t mean you’re making someone else worse off. We think of negotiations as expanding the pie - i.e., exploring opportunities to make everyone better off. Yes, even the company. If they want you to say yes, want you to start sooner, or want you to choose them over their competitors, they’re more than happy to pay more money for that.
Whether you come from the military, a mission-driven field, or you’re simply prioritizing the people around you, advocating for yourself is not a betrayal of your values. It’s how you create the conditions to keep living them fully, consistently, and without burning out.
Warmly,
Gerta & Alex
Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com
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