The One Trait That Makes You A Bad Negotiator
Ever feel like sharing every detail makes you a superstar teammate, but in negotiations it just backfires? In the latest episode of our podcast, Gentle...
Hi there,
Ever feel like sharing every detail makes you a superstar teammate, but in negotiations it just backfires? In the latest episode of our podcast, Gentle Power, we unpack why sharing every detail - your last salary, other offers, even any personal life plans - gives hiring teams all the advantage and leaves you scrambling to catch up.
We also pull back the curtain on our personal lives, including:
A 13-year anniversary sneak-out through Richmond’s best Asian dessert shops (pandan kaya toast, shaved ice under the Transamerica Pyramid, and more).
Rewinding to September 2009 at Wellesley College: That chance meeting on a campus pathway felt like a scene from a rom-com, and reminds us that big things start small.
Squashing tiny “turtles” before they turn into ninja turtles - the communications trick that keeps our marriage (and our business) running smoothly.
Welcoming Fami, our non-binary mascot, so we can practice they/them pronouns and stand up for trans inclusion every day.
But back to negotiations (you can watch the rest here): here’s an overview of the tactics we shared to help you protect your leverage without burning bridges.
Show Teamwork Without Revealing Your Hand
At tech companies, flooding Slack with updates and volunteering personal info signals collaboration. But in negotiations, every extra detail you offer - your past salary, other offers, even family plans - can be used against you. It is also illegal in many US states for a company to ask you for your salary history, so don’t hand it to them on a silver platter.
You don’t need to trade away your leverage to prove you’re a team player. Here’s how to stay warm and positive while still protecting your negotiation power:
“Thank you so much for working with me on this process. I’ve really enjoyed our conversations and am genuinely excited about the team and the role. What is your budget for the role?”
Express gratitude for their time and transparency.
Reiterate enthusiasm for the opportunity and your fit.
Offer to revisit the details later - once the core terms are on paper.
If They Keep Pushing - Handling An Impasse
Sometimes the company will insist you name numbers before you’re ready. If they say, “We can’t extend an offer without your salary history,” try this:
Assume best intent: they may not know the law or may be following strict internal policies.
Acknowledge their constraint: show you appreciate their position.
Pivot back to their budget: you’re asking for data you need, exactly what a savvy negotiator does.
How To Negotiate Without Over-Sharing
Don’t say too much. Keep salary history and competing offers under wraps.
Let them show their hand first. Ask for their budget - remember to ask for their total compensation budget, not just salary.
Don’t skip the written offer. It makes a huge difference to get the formal written offer before you negotiate.
Sample Script:
“Thank you so much, I’m really excited! Could you share the budgeted range for this role so we can make sure we’re aligned before diving into details?”
Negotiation is like poker, not like bingo - keep your cards, and your emotions, close to the chest. Tune in to the full episode of Gentle Power here, then grab our free worksheets at YourNegotiations.com to practice these scripts in action.
Warmly,
Gerta & Alex
Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com
P.S. Know someone who is an overachiever and an oversharer? Refer them! They’ll get 10% off and you’ll get 10% of what we make - just cc us on the intro.