Say this before you negotiate
Before you get on that call with a recruiter where you just know they’ll ask you for your preferred salary, something physical may show up first: that pit in...
Hey friends,
Before you get on that call with a recruiter where you just know they’ll ask you for your preferred salary, something physical may show up first: that pit in your stomach anticipating an uncomfortable moment, maybe a faster heartbeat, that quiet urge to just get the conversation done with.
Negotiations don’t begin on paper. They start in your body.
We were listening to a recent episode of Diary of a CEO with Harvard behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks, and she touched on a concept that had us skip back multiple times to relisten.
That familiar rush before a high-stakes conversation isn’t random. It’s your nervous system responding to uncertainty.
And that response shapes how you negotiate more than most people realize.
How anxiety subtly steers your decisions
Uncertainty tends to bring anxiety along for the ride. Once it shows up, many of us instinctively look for ways to ease the discomfort often in small, barely noticeable ways.
It can look like:
conceding earlier than planned
adjusting your ask downward in real time
wrapping up the conversation quickly just to feel relief
You may walk in feeling prepared and confident, only to find yourself prioritizing speed over outcome minutes later.
That is your body trying to keep you safe.
Say this before you negotiate
In 2013, Allison Brooks conducted a research study that’s now become famous for its findings.
Participants were asked to sing karaoke in front of a live audience. Before going on stage, they were surveyed on how they felt (most felt nervous). They were then split into two groups, with one group instructed to tell themselves, “I feel anxious”, and the other group instructed to say “I feel excited.”
The group that framed their feeling as excitement performed objectively better, with stronger pitch and rhythm.
Physically, those emotions are almost identical. The difference lies in how the brain interprets the feeling. When it reads it as excitement rather than threat, people lean forward instead of pulling back.
(There’s an important caveat: this applies in everyday high-pressure moments, not situations involving real danger or overwhelming fear.)
Salary conversations tend to fall squarely in that energized middle zone.
So next time you’re about to enter an interview or get on that verbal offer call, first tell yourself that you’re excited about it!
Best,
Gerta & Alex
Cofounders, YourNegotiations.com
P.S. Are you job searching or have upcoming negotiations?
Book a free call with us, where we’ll learn more about your situation, offer some free tips, and explore if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call
P.P.S. Know someone interested in negotiations?
Send them our way and we’ll thank you with $500 for each person who becomes a client. No cap.
A quick intro or an email to alex@yournegotiations.com works.